第5章 和自己谈场恋爱，寂寞也美

Fall in Love With Youself

I desire to radiate health, cheerfulness, calm courage and good will. Leave the excess baggage of yesterday's mistakes and dare to enter into all the tomorrow.

我渴望发出健康之光、愉悦之光、沉静的勇气之光、美好的愿望之光。放下昨日错误的重负，勇敢融入明日的生活。

爱自己是一场毕生浪漫的开始

To Love Oneself Is the Beginning

◎Oscar Wilde

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

Love yourself. Love the things that make you you. Your values and talents and memories. Your clothes, your nose, your woes（woes[wəuz]n. 悲痛，灾难，不幸；困境（woe的名词复数）） . If you love yourself, you can jump into your life from a springboard of self-confidence. If you love yourself, you can say what you want to say, go where you want to go. The world can be a tough place, and some of the billions of people out there will try to knock you down. Don't join them.

Do things that make you proud, then take pride in what you do. And in who you are.

Who are you anyway? What makes you you? How are you like your siblings（siblings['sibliŋz]n. 兄弟姐妹（sibling的名词复数）） and neighbors and friends? How are you different? If you were your own secret admirer, what would you most admire?

"My great mistake, the fault for which I can't forgive myself," Oscar Wilde wrote, "is that one day I ceased my obstinate（obstinate['ɔbstinit]a. 固执的，顽固的，顽强的） pursuit of my own individuality." Keep pursuing your individuality. Keep being yourself. Becoming yourself. It can be comforting to dress and act like everyone else. But it is grander to be different, to be unique, to be you. I'm the only me in the whole wide world.

美丽语录

Best case scenario: I love myself; I enjoy living; I smile because I'm happy not because I have to.

最好的情景便是：爱自己；享受生活；发自内心地微笑。

爱自己是一场毕生浪漫的开始。

爱自己。热爱一切让你成为你自己的事物。你的价值，你的才能，你的回忆。你的衣服，你的鼻子，你的悲伤。如果你爱自己，你就能在自信的跳板上跃入生活。如果你爱自己，你就能畅所欲言，所向披靡。这个世界是冷酷无情的，成千上亿的人等着将你打倒。不要和他们同流合污。

做能让你自豪的事，然后为你所做的事自豪，为自己自豪。

那么，你究竟是谁呢？是什么让你成为你自己呢？你和你的兄弟姐妹、邻居好友又有什么相同点？你有什么与众不同的地方？如果你是自己的秘密崇拜者，那么你最崇拜自己的又是哪一点呢？

“我犯了一个大错，因此我无法原谅我自己，”奥斯卡·王尔德写道，“就是有一天我停止追求自己的个性，”继续追求你的个性，继续做你自己。成为你自己。穿衣和举止与别人一样是件容易的事情。但是，更值得骄傲的事是：让自己与众不同，让自己特别，让自己成为你自己。世界之大，唯我是我。

There is always one true inner voice. Trust it.

~ Gloria Steinem

Sometimes it's hard to know who you are and what you want and whom you like and why you like that person. The answers change because you're changing. Growing. But deep inside, you are you. You were you as a baby, you were you as a kid, and you are you right now. "Let me listen to me and not to them." wrote Gertrude Stein.

It makes sense to consider the advice and opinions of other people. But don't let their noise drown out your inner voice. And don't let the way you sometimes talk or behave in front of others make you lose sight of who you are when you are alone, when you are most you.

"You can live a lifetime and, at the end of it, know more about other people than you know about yourself," aviator Beryl Markham cautioned. Get acquainted with yourself. Tune in to the dreams you have by day and by night. Blend in when you choose to, but appreciate what sets you apart. "The more I like me, the less I want to pretend to be other people." said Jamie Lee Curtis.

总有一个来自内心的真实之声。听从它吧！

——葛萝莉亚·史丹能

有时，你很难弄清你是谁，你想做什么，你喜欢谁，你又为什么喜欢这个人。你在变，在成长，所以答案也在变。然而，在你内心深处，总有一个声音告诉你：你就是你。不论婴儿还是孩童，你就是现在的你。“让我听从自己的，而不是他们的意见。”葛楚德·史坦写道。

你可以参考别人的意见和看法。但是别让他们的想法淹没你内心的声音。不要因为偶尔出现在人前的谈吐、举止，而忘记独处时的你，那才是最真的自己。

“人活一世，不要临了时才发现，你了解别人要胜过了解自己。”飞行员贝丽尔·马卡姆劝诫道。认识自己。走入你的梦境，不论白天还是黑夜。当你选择走入人群时，那就去做吧！但是，别忘了感谢那些让你与众不同的东西。“我越发爱自己，我就越发不会把自己伪装成别人。”杰米·李·柯蒂斯说道。

■送给自己的圣诞礼物

The Gift of Possibility

◎Esmeralda Santiago

That Christmas Eve, the streets of Boston were clogged with tourists and locals bundled in wool and flannel. Shoppers, hawkers, and gawkers whirled and swirled around me. "Frosty the Snowman", "Let It Snow" and "Jingle Bells" played in stores; on the sidewalks, the street musicians did their best. Everyone, it seemed, was accompanied by someone else smiling or laughing. I was alone.

The eldest of a Puerto Rican family of 11 children growing up in New York's crowded tenements, I'd spent much of my life seeking solitude. Now, finally, at 27, a college student in the midst of a drawn-out breakup of a seven-year relationship, I contemplated what I'd so craved, but I wasn't quite sure I liked it. Every part of me wanted to be alone, but not at Christmas.

My family had returned to Puerto Rico, my friends had gone home during the holiday break, and my acquaintances were involved in their own lives. Dusk was falling, and the inevitable return to my empty apartment brought tears to my eyes. Blinking lights from windows and around doors beckoned, and I wished someone would emerge from one of those homes to ask me inside to a warm room with a Christmas tree decorated with tinsel, its velvet skirt sprinkled with shiny fake snow and wrapped presents.

名人语库

Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.

~Kierkergaard

只有向后才能理解生活；但要生活好，则必须向前看。

——克尔凯郭尔

那年圣诞前夕，波士顿的街道上满是熙熙攘攘的游客，当地人裹着羊毛和法兰绒打扮得光鲜靓丽。购物者、小贩和路人把我围在中间。商店里播放着《结霜的雪人》《下雪吧》和《铃儿响叮当》；人行道上，街头音乐家卖力地表演着。看起来似乎每个人都有人陪伴，脸上绽放出幸福的笑容。只有我是独自一人。

我家是一个波多黎各大家庭，一共有11个孩子，我是家里的长子，我们从小生活在纽约城拥挤的租住房里。在一生的大部分时间，我都在寻求片刻的孤独。此时此刻，终于，我这个27岁的大学生，结束了一段7年的漫长恋情，得到了我想要的孤独，可我却并不觉得开心。我想一个人静一静，但不是在圣诞节这样的日子。

我的家人已经回到了波多黎各，我的朋友都在假期回家了，我认识的人都忙于自己的生活。夜幕降临，想着还得回到那空荡荡的宿舍，眼泪就涌了出来。城市住家的灯火点亮起来，从门窗透出的闪烁灯光仿佛在召唤着我，我多希望有人会打开房门，邀请我走进那温暖的房间，房间一角是一株圣诞树，圣诞彩条将它装饰得绚烂华丽，天鹅绒的树摆上点缀着闪亮的人造雪花和包装好的礼物。

I stopped at the local market, feeling even more depressed as people filled their baskets with goodies. Dates and dried figs, walnuts, pecans, and hazelnuts in their shells reminded me of the gifts we received as children in Puerto Rico on Christmas Day, because the big gifts were given on the morning of the Feast of the Epiphany, on January 6. I missed my family: their rambunctious parties; the dancing; the mounds of rice with pigeon peas; the crusty, garlicky skin on the pork roast; the plantain and yucca pasteles wrapped in banana leaves. I wanted to cry for wanting to be alone and for having achieved it.

In front of the church down the street, a manger had been set up, with Mary, Joseph, and the barn animals in expectation of midnight and the arrival of baby Jesus. I stood with my neighbors watching the scene, some of them crossing themselves, praying. As I walked home, I realized that the story of Joseph and Mary wandering from door to door seeking shelter was much like my own history. Leaving Puerto Rico was still a wound in my soul as I struggled with who I had become in 15 years in the United States. I'd mourned the losses, but for the first time, I recognized what I'd gained. I was independent, educated, healthy, and adventurous. My life was still before me, full of possibility.

Sometimes the best gift is the one you give yourself. That Christmas, I gave myself credit for what I'd accomplished so far and permission to go forward, unafraid. It is the best gift I've ever received, the one that I most treasure.

我在集市边停下脚步，看到人们提着装满美食的篮子，心中感到更加沮丧。椰枣、无花果干、核桃和山核桃，还有带壳的榛子，让我想起小时候在波多黎各收到的圣诞礼物——1月6日主显节上午，我们才能收到圣诞大礼。我想念我的家人：想念他们喧闹的派对，想念他们多姿的舞蹈，想念香喷喷的木豆米饭，想念烤乳猪的蒜味脆皮，想念芭蕉叶包裹的大蕉丝兰根。我得到了我想要的孤独，却忍不住想哭。

在街道尽头的教堂前，布置好了一个马槽，玛丽、约瑟夫和马厩里的动物们都在期待着午夜到来，耶稣降临。我和邻居站在那里看着这幅场景，有些人手画十字、低头祈祷。在回家路上，我意识到，约瑟夫和玛丽挨家挨户寻求庇护的故事，就如同我自己的经历。离开波多黎各始终是我心头难以化解的伤痛，我一直在想，15年的美国生活让我变成了一个什么样的人。我本应为我所失去的感到悲伤，但那一刻，我第一次认识到我获得了什么。我是一个独立的、受过良好教育的、健康的、富有冒险精神的青年。我的生活就在我的面前，充满了无尽的可能性。

有时候，你送给自己的礼物才是最好的礼物。那年圣诞节，我送给自己的是肯定和许诺，肯定自己过去的努力，许诺自己奋勇向前，无所畏惧。这是我收到的最好的礼物，我最珍惜的圣诞礼物。

■十五句最暖心的话

Think About This

◎Jeanne

1. At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

5. Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. If not for you, someone may not be living.

8. You are special and unique.

9. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you.

10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good always comes from it.

11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.

12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.

13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.

15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great before it's too late.

名人语库

Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

幸福犹如香水，在你将它洒向别人的时候，自己也会沾染点滴。

——拉尔夫·沃尔多·爱默生

1. 在这个世界上至少有2个人很爱你，他们愿意为你而死。

2. 在这个世界上至少有15个人以某种方式爱着你。

3. 有人会恨你的唯一原因就是因为他们想变得和你一样。

4. 你的微笑可以给每一个人带来快乐，即使他们不喜欢你。

5. 每个夜晚，都有人会在入睡前想着你。

6. 对某个人来说，你就是全世界。

7. 如果不是因为你，某个人可能活不下去。

8. 你是独一无二的。

9. 有人爱着你，而你甚至都不知道他的存在。

10. 当你犯了天大的错误时，总有一些好事及时到来。

11. 如果你认为全世界都背弃了你，好好看看：最有可能的是你背弃了全世界。

12. 当你认为你没机会得到你想要的东西时，你可能得不到它，但如果你相信自己，也许迟早你都会得到它。

13. 永远记住你所收获的赞美，忘掉那些粗鲁的言语。

14. 要告诉别人你对他们的感觉；当他们了解以后，你会感觉更棒。

15. 如果你有很棒的朋友，花点时间让他们知道他们有多棒——趁一切还来得及。

■乐观人群的十个好习惯

The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People

◎Judy Belmont

Are you waiting for life events to turn out the way you want so that you can feel more positive about your life? Do you find yourself having pre-conditions to your sense of well-being, thinking that certain things must happen for you to be happier? Do you think there is no way that your life stresses can make you anything other than "stressed out" and that other people just don't understand?

If your answer is "yes" to any of these questions, you might find yourself lingering in the land of negativity for too long!

The following are some tips to keep positive no matter what comes your way. This article will help you stop looking for what psychologists call "positivity" in all the wrong places! Here are the ten essential habits of positive people.

1. Positive people don't confuse quitting with letting go

Instead of hanging on to ideas, beliefs, and even people that are no longer healthy for them, they trust their judgment to let go of negative forces in their lives. Especially in terms of relationships, they subscribe to the phinciples which goes:

名人语库

Optimist: A man who gets treed by a lion but enjoys the scenery.

~Walter Winchell

乐观主义者：被狮子逼上了树但仍能欣赏风景的人。

——华尔特·温切尔

你是否在等待发生什么可以改变命运的大事件，借此过上自己想要的生活，这样你才能更积极地对待生活？你是否发现自己的幸福感是有条件的，认为必须发生某些事才能让你更快乐？你是否认为自己的生活压力过大，除了“紧张”以外别无他法，而其他人都无法理解？

如果你对以上任何一个问题回答了“是”，你可能已经在消极情绪中沉溺太久！

以下是一些无论遇到何事都能保持乐观的小窍门。这篇文章将帮助你避免不当地寻找心理学家所说的“积极性”。来看看乐观人群必有的10个好习惯。

1. 乐观人群懂得放手与顺其自然的区别

乐观人群不会纠结于那些会给他们带来负面影响的思想、信仰，甚至是人，他们相信自己的判断，会让生活中的负面压力顺其自然。尤其是在人际关系方面，他们认可这样的原则：

I will grant myself the ability to trust the healthy people in my life;

To set limits with, or let go of, the negative ones;

And to have the wisdom to know the difference!

2. Positive people don't just have a good day—they make a good day

Waiting, hoping and wishing seldom have a place in the vocabulary of positive individuals. Rather, they use strong words that are pro-active and not reactive. Passivity leads to a lack of involvement, while positive people get very involved in constructing their lives. They work to make changes to feel better in tough times rather than wish their feelings away.

3. For the positive person, the past stays in the past

Good and bad memories alike stay where they belong—in the past where they happened. They don't spend much time pining for the good old days because they are too busy making new memories now. The negative pulls from the past are used not for self-flagellation or unproductive regret, but rather productive regret where they use lessons learned as stepping stones towards a better future.

4. Show me a positive person and I can show you a grateful person

The most positive people are the most grateful people. They do not focus on the potholes of their lives. They focus on the pot of gold that awaits them every day, with new smells, sights, feelings and experiences. They see life as a treasure chest full of wonder.

5. Rather than being stuck in their limitations, positive people are energized by their possibilities

Optimistic people focus on what they can do, not what they can't do. They are not fooled to think that there is a perfect solution to every problem, and are confident that there are many solutions and possibilities. They are not afraid to attempt new solutions to old problems, rather than spin their wheels expecting things to be different this time.

对于给我的生活带来积极影响的人，我会尽我所能去信任他们；

对于给我带来消极影响的人，我会保持距离，或者任由他们而去；

而且，我有分辨这两种人之间不同的智慧！

2. 乐观人群不仅会享受美好的一天——还会创造美好的一天

乐观人群的字典里很少会有“等待”“希望”“企盼”这样的词汇。反之，他们总是用那些强而有力、积极主动的字眼，而不会用那些被动的字眼。被动性会导致人缺乏参与精神，而乐观人群会积极参与到自己的人生规划中。在艰难时期，他们会用行动来改善自己的感受，而不是仅仅盼着坏情绪消失。

3. 对于乐观人群来说，过去只停留在过去

好的和坏的回忆都应该留在原地——也就是事情发生的过去。乐观人群不会花很多时间来怀念美好的旧时光，因为他们正忙着创造新的回忆。过去那些负面回忆不是用来让你自责不已的，也不是让你毫无意义地后悔，而是让你在后悔中吸取经验教训，然后让其成为走向更美好未来的垫脚石。

4. 乐观人群都是懂得感恩的人

最乐观的人往往也是最懂得感恩的人。他们不会揪着生活中的坎坷不放，而会用全新的感官和体验，去关注生活中每天都在等待着他们的宝藏。在他们眼中，生活就是一个充满了传奇的宝库。

5. 乐观人群不会为自己的局限所困，而会被自己的潜能所激励

乐观人群会关注自己所能做的，而不是他们所不能做的。他们不会愚钝地相信每个问题都会有完美的解决办法，他们只是确信每个问题都有许多解决办法和可能性。他们绝不会原地祈祷事情出现转机，而会毫无畏惧地尝试用新办法解决老问题。

6. Positive people do not let their fears interfere with their lives

Positive people have observed that those who are defined and pulled back by their fears never really truly live a full life. While proceeding with appropriate caution, they do not let fear keep them from trying new things. They realize that even failures are necessary steps for a successful life. They have confidence that they can get back up when they are knocked down by life events or their own mistakes, due to a strong belief in their personal resilience.

7. Positive people smile a lot

When you feel positive on the inside it is like you are smiling from within, and these smiles are contagious. Furthermore, the more others are with positive people, the more they tend to smile too! They see the lightness in life, and have a sense of humor even when it is about themselves. Positive people have a high degree of self-respect, but refuse to take themselves too seriously!

8. People who are positive are great communicators

They realize that assertive, confident communication is the only way to connect with others in everyday life. They avoid judgmental, angry interchanges, and do not let someone else's blow up give them a reason to react in kind. Rather, they express themselves with tact and finesse. They also refuse to be non-assertive and let people push them around. They refuse to own problems that belong to someone else.

9. Positive people realize that if you live long enough, there are times for great pain and sadness

One of the most common misperceptions about positive people is that to be positive, you must always be happy. This can not be further from the truth. Anyone who has any depth at all is certainly not happy all the time. Being sad, angry, disappointed are all essential emotions in life. How else would you ever develop empathy for others if you lived a life of denial and shallow emotions? Positive people do not run from the gamut of emotions, and accept that part of the healing process is to allow themselves to experience all types of feelings, not only the happy ones. A positive person always holds the hope that there is light at the end of the darkness.

6. 乐观人群不会让恐惧妨碍他们的生活

乐观人群明白，那些被恐惧所束缚和牵绊的人永远无法真正活出自己的人生。他们也会保持适当的谨慎，但不会让恐惧阻止他们对新事物的尝试。他们深知，失败也是通往成功的必经之路。他们坚信，哪怕被生活中的挫折或自己犯下的错误所打倒，他们也可以重新站起来，因为他们对于自己的复原能力有着强烈的信念。

7. 乐观人群常常微笑

如果你感到积极乐观，你也会发自内心地微笑，而且这种微笑是具有传染性的。此外，和乐观人群相处越久的人，就越容易微笑！乐观人群能够发现生活的闪光点，而且富有幽默感，即便是拿自己开玩笑也毫不介意。他们有很强的自尊，但不会把自己太当回事儿！

8. 乐观人群十分善于交流

乐观人群明白，积极自信的交流是日常生活中与他人沟通的唯一方式。他们会避免批判性的、愤怒的交谈，也不会因为他人出言不逊就以牙还牙。相反，他们在自我表达时善于运用机智和策略。他们还充满自信，绝不会任人摆布，也不会亦步亦趋地跟着别人犯错误。

9. 乐观人群明白，你活得越长，痛苦和悲伤也会越多

对乐观人群一个最常见的误解就是，他们每时每刻都是快乐的。这简直是大错特错。任何一个头脑正常的人都不可能永远快乐。悲伤、愤怒和失望也是生命中非常重要的情绪。如果你只拥有否定和肤浅的情绪，如何能做到对他人感同身受呢？乐观人群在面对各种情绪时不会逃避，他们认为情绪上的治愈过程会让他们体验多种情感，而不仅仅是快乐这一种。一个乐观的人总是相信，黑暗的尽头必有光明。

10. Positive person are empowered people—they refuse to blame others and are not victims in life

Positive people seek the help and support of others who are supportive and safe. They have identified their own basic human rights, and they respect themselves too much to play the part of a victim. There is no place for holding grudges with a positive mindset. Forgiveness helps positive people become better, not bitter.

How about you? How many habits of positive people do you personally find in yourself? If you lack even a few of these 10 essential habits, you might find that the expected treasure at the end of the rainbow was not all that it was cracked up to be. How could it—if you keep on bringing a negative attitude around?

10. 乐观人群善于掌控自己的人生——他们不会责怪他人，也不会做生活的受害者

乐观人群会向有能力且可靠的人寻求帮助和支持。他们很明确自己的基本人权，而且非常维护自己的尊严，因此不会扮演受害者的角色。乐观人群拥有积极的心态，绝不会心存怨恨。宽容有助于乐观人群抛弃愁苦，让他们的生活变得更美好。

那么，你呢？你在自己身上找到了多少积极人群的习惯呢？如果你仅仅是缺乏这10种习惯中的几条，你可能就会发现，你所期待的彩虹尽头的宝藏也不像传说中的那样。它怎么可能如你所期——如果你还继续保持一种消极的态度？

■怎样爱自己，即使没人爱

How to Love Yourself, Even if No One Else Does

◎Torley

First, the second part of that title isn't true. You either forgot who loves you, or need to find more people who do.

But there may be times where you feel alone and depressed—just about everyone has spells like that, or is strong enough to admit it. It's not easy to talk about, but loneliness, feeling unwanted, and even self-hate from time to time is extremely common. If your hermiting drags on for weeks, you'll want the help of healthcare experts, but if it's not so severe and happens on occasion, here's some vibrant and practical suggestions for you:

Gather a "praise pile"

Ideally, you'll want to do this before you're in a downer—it serves as a life preserver when you're in the "eye of the storm".

Compile the love you've felt: a handwritten note from your Mom, a photo of you and your best buds at the lake together, and awards you've won. They don't have to be recent—recognition spans your whole life. And they don't have to be physical, either; I've used the Firefox ScrapBook add-on to do what its offline analogue does: clip and save kind words from others.

名人语库

A man is not old as long as he is seeking something. A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

~J. Barrymore

只要一个人还有追求，他就没有老。直到后悔取代了梦想，一个人才算老。

——巴里摩尔

首先，标题的第二部分是不对的。你不会忘记那些爱你的人，也不需要找更多爱你的人。

但有些时候你可能会感觉孤独和沮丧——几乎每个人都这样说过，或者这么承认过。说这些并不容易，但经常孤独、感觉不被需要，甚至自厌都是很常见的。如果你的孤独症状拖上了好几周，你可能需要健康护理专家的帮助了，但如果没有那么严重，只是偶尔才发生，这里有一些实用的好建议：

收集“赞美集册”

理想情况下，你会想在服用镇静剂之前做这些——在你处于“暴风之眼”时，它会充当救生工具。

收集你所感觉到的关爱：妈妈手写的函件，你和最好的朋友在湖边的合影，你所赢得的所有奖励。这些不必是最近发生的，你整个一生中的都行。此外，也没必要是物质上的。我通常使用火狐软件的剪贴簙来添加离线消息：点击并保存别人给我的友好话语。

So when I feel like I'm not being cared about, I take a quick look at the "praise pile", and put what's happening in perspective: others have cared about me before, and they will again. And perhaps most importantly, by realizing this, I care about myself. This is a process and never happens immediately. One can't instantly "snap out of it". It "takes time", as the trite-but-true saying goes. But oh, how true it is.

Give up on something worth dropping

Burdens are bedfellows with loneliness. Some people who'd like to have more of a social life are crushed by the rat race, or their own compounded fears which hold them back. By dropping what I often call "slop" (waste unnecessary to your enjoyment of life), it frees you to take on more meaningful things (keep reading). Less worry means more freedom to self-explore and pursue interests.

Why does this sound so obvious? Because it is. But it may only be during a time of emotional inner turbulence that you can summon the strength to unchain yourself.

Don't overthink—that makes it worse. As any great performer knows, and as controversial as "muscle memory" may be, repeated practice leads to what's dubbed "second nature", or a threshold surpassed in which analyzing evolves to intuition based on past experiences.

When you find yourself especially stressed or anxious, those are otherwise-unpleasant moments you can use to your advantage. Especially if you're crying and in a lot of anguish, determine in a flash what's worth keeping, and visualize it like this: you are a burning building. If you could rush into yourself and save only a handful of things to take to a new you, what will they be?

所以，当我觉得不被人关心时，我会迅速浏览一下“赞美集册”，并把所发生的事情记在脑海里：以前有人关心我，他们还会继续关心我。也许最重要的是，通过意识到这一点，我也开始关心我自己。这个过程从未能立马奏效。正如老生常谈但又真实的谚语所说，一个人不会突然间“重新振作起来”，这“需要时间”。不过，事实就是这样。

放弃值得丢弃的东西

负担是孤独的同伴。一些人想拥有更多的社会生活，但这些都被激烈的竞争破坏了，或者因自身产生的恐惧而望而却步。丢弃我通常所说的“废物”（享受生活所不必要的废物），你就会有空闲去做更有意义的事情（保持阅读）。少些担忧意味着有更多自由，来探索自我和从事自己的兴趣所在。

为什么听起来是这么显而易见的事？因为事实本就如此。但它可能只在感情波动的某一时期如此，这样你就能集中力量来解放你自己。

不要过度地思考——那会使事情变得更糟。正如许多杰出的演员所知，反复锻炼被谐称为“第二天性”，或者即将在过往经验的基础上有所超越，这和“肌肉记忆”一样富有争议。

当你发现自己特别紧张或忧虑时，除了不愉快的时刻，你可以使用你的一切来改善自己的状况。特别是当你在哭泣和特别痛苦时，找出值得保留的瞬间，像这样来想象：你是一栋正在燃烧的大楼。如果你能冲入自己的内心，并只能拯救少数东西来成就一个崭新的自己，它们会是什么？

Write them down, and set the list aside until you feel more rational. Then look at it again, and join your thoughts of the now with what you had felt then. This can be a potent truth-revealing exercise and puts you on the right track.

Find something new worth fighting for

By "fight", I refer not to violence. Rather, I speak of a cause you can champion and stand up for. The "fight" here is versus adversity. Your cause may be a charity that improves others' lives, or even a campaign to save a TV show. Notice how these purposes require others to get involved—they're inherently social, and even though you may not think about so much about that (and shouldn't), they'll lead to you interacting with others, feeling less lonely.

Being recognized as a maverick and a leader isn't a deliberate process you need to set up like a goal. Rather, the goals here are more about the innate satisfaction and happiness you'll feel.

把它们写下来，并且把清单放在一旁，直到你感觉更加理性。然后再看一遍，把你现在的思想和当时的感觉集中起来。这会是一个强有力的锻炼，它会让你走上正确的轨道。

找出一些新的值得奋斗的事

“奋斗”，我指的不是暴力。相反，我说的是你能为之奋斗和坚持的目标。这里的“奋斗”是针对逆境而言的。你的目标可能是改善他人生活的宽容，甚至是保存一份电视节目的活动。注意这些目标是怎样要求他人的参与——他们的本质是社会性的，即使你可能没有（也不该）想这么多，但它们会让你和其他人交流配合，让你感觉不那么孤独。

被视为标新立异的人和领导者不是一个审慎的过程，你不必设立一个像这样的目标。在一定程度上，这里的目标更多是你所感觉到的满意度和幸福感。

■郁闷时让自己振作的十种方法

10 Ways to Cheer Up

◎Anonymous

Feeling a little blue? 10 Ways to Cheer Up. Here are ten fast and easy ways to smile.

1. Play outside

Leave your apartment and go outside. Sun and fresh air are good for you.

2. Exercise

When you exercise, your brain releases a chemical called endorphins. This chemical makes you feel happier. That is just another reason why exercise is good for you.

3. Have a Heart-to-Heart

If something is bothering you, it is a good idea to talk about it. Call a friend or relative. A good chat is great way to feel better fast.

4. Play Pop Music

Westlife, Backstreet Boys, S.H.E … who doesn't like a little mindless pop? Listening to upbeat, happy music will make you smile. Singing along won't hurt either.

名人语库

Growing old is not upsetting; being perceived as old is.

~Kenny Rogers

越来越老并不可怕，可怕的是让人觉得越来越老。

——肯尼·罗杰斯

感觉有些郁闷吗？以下10种方法可以让你振作起来。快速又简单，让你顷刻露出微笑。

1.外出游玩

离开你的房间，去外面走走吧。享受阳光和新鲜空气，这对你大有好处。

2.运动

运动时，你的大脑会释放一种叫作内啡肽的化学元素。这种物质会让你感觉更愉悦。这仅仅只是运动对你有好处的原因之一。

3.促膝谈心

如果你正因什么事而烦恼，有个好建议就是大声把它说出来。给你的某个亲朋好友打电话。一次好的谈心可以让你迅速好起来。

4.演奏流行音乐

西城男孩、后街男孩、S.H.E……谁不喜欢点儿轻松的流行乐呢？听听那些欢快的音乐吧，这些欢快之音能让你快乐起来。跟着歌儿哼唱可不会有任何伤害。

5. Laughter is the best medicine

Laughing is the best way to improve your mood. Children laugh around 400 times a day. Adults only laugh about 20 times a day. What happened? Be a kid for a day: play games, watch funny movies, or read jokes online.

6. Power of Chocolate

Chocolate has special natural chemicals that make you happy. Plus, it tastes so good!

7. Draw

Be an artist! Draw, paint, or make something. Even if it is not perfect, being creative relieves stress.

8. Get a dog

Dogs are cute, energetic, and fun. Plus, studies show that people with pets live longer and people with dogs live the longest!

9. Breathe

If you can't go to the gym, try taking deep breaths. Breathing deeply will relax your muscles and give you energy.

10. Think positive

Close your eyes and think of a beautiful scene or a time when you were happy and feeling good.

5.开怀大笑是一剂良药

大笑是改善心情最好的办法。孩子一天大约要笑400次。成人一天却只笑20次。为什么会这样？做一天的孩子吧：玩玩游戏，看看喜剧，或者上网读读笑话。

6.巧克力的力量

巧克力含有一种可以让人快乐的天然化学物质。另外，它也很美味！

7.画画

做一回艺术家！画画，涂鸦，或者做点手工。就算做得不那么完美，但创作可以缓解压力。

8.养一条小狗

狗狗既可爱，又充满活力，而且有趣至极！此外，研究显示养宠物的人活得更长，养狗的人是活得最长的！

9.呼吸

如果你不能去健身房，那就试试深呼吸。深呼吸可以放松你的肌肉，为你提供能量。

10.乐观地思考

闭上眼睛，想想那些美丽的画面，或者你感觉最棒的开心时刻。

■开心玩瑜伽，减压好方法

Yoga for Lowering Stress

◎Mary L. Gavin

Yoga and You

When you hear the word "yoga", do you think of a person with his legs twisted up like a pretzel? If so, it may seem like yoga is very complicated or just for adults. Not true! Kids and teens can do yoga for the same reasons grown-ups do: because it feels good to stretch out your body, slow down your breathing, and relax your mind. Yoga can help you feel calmer when life is busy and stressful.

What You Need

Any time you start a new exercise routine it's a good idea to check with a parent. A yoga class can be a great way to get started because the instructor can teach you how to get into the poses. Find a large enough space with few distractions. No TV or people, if possible. Wear comfortable workout clothes and no shoes or socks. A yoga mat can be helpful because it cushions a bit and keeps your feet from slipping. Yoga should not hurt, so go slow and ease into position. Go only as far as you comfortably can.

名人语库

People who can not find time for recreation are obliged sooner or later to find time for illness.

~John Wanamaker

腾不出时间娱乐的人，早晚会被迫腾出时间生病。

——霍梅克

你与瑜伽

当你听到“瑜伽”这个词时，你是否会想到一个人将自己的大腿扭曲成卷饼那样？如果是这样，瑜伽看起来就似乎很复杂，像专门给成人练习的。但事实并非如此！儿童和青少年也可以因为同样的理由练习瑜伽：伸展身体、放慢呼吸、放松思想的感觉很棒。当你感到生活忙碌、压力重重时，瑜伽可以帮助你平静下来。

你需要

无论任何时候，当你开始一项新的锻炼安排时，和家长谈谈总是好的。上瑜伽课程是个不错的开始，因为教练会教你怎样做动作。找一个足够大且很少让你分心的地方。最好不要有电视或其他人。穿上舒适的运动服，不要穿鞋袜。瑜伽垫很有用，因为它有一定的缓冲作用，而且会防止出现脚滑。瑜伽不应该让你感到疼痛，所以你要慢慢地、舒服地摆正姿势。尽量做，舒服就行。

Why Yoga for Stress

When you get stressed or nervous, many things can help you feel better. Talking with someone—a parent or friend—is a great idea because they can help you figure out what's wrong and start coming up with solutions. In addition, you can ease stress through exercise. You probably know exercise is good for your health, but it's also a proven way to put you in a better mood. So it makes sense that yoga is a favorite activity among people who want to feel stronger and more relaxed. Yoga includes a lot of stretching, but that's not all—yoga also focuses on breathing and meditation, which means thinking calm thoughts. Practicing yoga is a chance to learn stretching/breathing/thinking skills that you can use to calm yourself down the next time you feel worried. In other words, yoga can help your body stay loose and relaxed when things heat up!

Think Good Thoughts

Meditation is the first part of a stress-relieving yoga routine. Meditation means being calm, quiet, and focused. Some people call this "feeling centered". When you're feeling centered, you can do your best in stressful situations such as taking a test or working through a disagreement with a friend. Try these meditation exercises: Take a yoga vacation: Find a quiet, private place, like your bedroom. Sit in a comfortable position and close your eyes. Imagine a place where you feel safe and relaxed. Is it your best friend's backyard? Your grandma's house? Camping in the woods? Imagine yourself in this place for three to five minutes. You'll feel much calmer after your "yoga vacation". Positive pictures: When you're feeling stressed about a big test or game, it can help to imagine it going really well. Sit in a comfortable position and close your eyes. Picture yourself feeling prepared for your test or kicking the winning goal in soccer. Of course, positive pictures can't take the place of actual preparation, but they can help you feel more confident.

为什么选择瑜伽减压

当你感到压力或紧张时，很多事都可以让你放松下来。同别人聊聊天——父母或朋友——这方法就很不错，因为他们可以帮你发现问题所在，找出解决方案。此外，你还可以通过体育锻炼减轻压力。你也许知道运动对身体有好处，但它也是一个可以令人心情愉悦的行之有效的办法。所以，对于那些希望变得更强壮、渴望放松下来的人来说，瑜伽就是最受欢迎的运动了。瑜伽包括大量的伸展动作，但它远不止如此——瑜伽还注重呼吸和冥想，也就是平心静气地思考。练习瑜伽让你有机会学习伸展、呼吸以及思考的技巧，下次当你感到忧虑的时候，便可以通过这些让自己冷静下来。换句话说，在事情一团糟的时候，瑜伽可以帮助你舒展和放松身体。

积极的想法

冥想是减压瑜伽训练的第一部分。冥想就是保持平静、安静和专注。有些人称之为“感受中心”。当你感受到自己的中心，在紧张的情况下——比如考试或处理与朋友的分歧等——就能发挥最好状态。试试以下的冥想练习：进行一次瑜伽旅行，找一个安静、私人的地方，比如你的卧室。以舒服的姿势坐下来，闭上双眼，想象一个让你感到安全和放松的地方——挚友的后院？奶奶的房子？还是森林里的露营？用三到五分钟想象你身处这个地方。完成“瑜伽旅行”之后，你会感觉平静多了。积极的画面：当你因为一场大考或比赛而倍感压力时，想象它们进展得十分顺利。舒服地坐下，闭上眼睛。想象那些画面：你已经做好了应考准备，或者有信心在足球赛中踢入制胜一球。当然，想象积极画面不能代替真正的准备工作，但它们能让你更有信心。

Breathe Deep

On one hand, you already know how to breathe. You're doing it right now! But learning how to breathe in yoga practice can help you notice how your breathing changes when you're anxious or upset. Often, when you start to feel nervous or uncomfortable, your breathing may get faster and you might not breathe as deeply. Once you tune in to your breath, you can try belly breathing.

Get Up and Move

There are many different yoga poses. Some can help you stretch the neck, shoulders and back, which are most likely to get tense when you are nervous or stressed. Try these two yoga poses when you want to de-stress yourself: Surprise/Sourpuss: Open your mouth wide and bug out your eyes, then close your eyes very tightly and pucker your lips. Alternate back and forth between "surprise" and "sourpuss". Do this while you're studying to help loosen up your face and jaw, which can get really tense while you're studying. If you have a study partner, make a game of it! Who can make the silliest face? Shoulder gymnastics: Do a few gentle shoulder and neck rolls right before a test to keep your shoulders nice and loose. You can even do them during a test if you need a refreshing break.

Have Fun With Yoga

Yoga can help you in serious ways, but it also can be a lot of fun. You can smile during yoga, and even laugh, which is a great stress reliever too. Yoga can be done alone or with friends. And you can do it at home, at a yoga studio, or in the park. We'll end with a special Sanskrit greeting—"namaste". It's traditionally said at the end of a yoga practice and it means the light inside of me bows to the light inside of you. Namaste.

深呼吸

一方面，你已经知道如何呼吸，因为你此刻就在呼吸！但是，学习如何在瑜伽练习中呼吸，能助你在焦虑不安时发觉呼吸的变化。通常，当你开始感觉紧张不安时，你的呼吸会变得急促，而且呼吸的深度不够。一旦了解自己的呼吸变化，你可以尝试腹部式呼吸。

动起来

瑜伽有许多不同的姿势。有些可以让你伸展颈部、肩膀和背部，这些部位在你紧张或感到压力时通常会绷得很紧。当你想放松自己时，试试以下两个瑜伽姿势：惊讶/怒容：张大嘴巴，瞪大双眼，然后紧紧地闭上眼睛，噘起嘴唇。来回交替做“惊讶”和“怒容”这两个动作。学习时，你的脸部和下巴会绷紧，这套动作能帮你放松这两个部位。如果你跟同伴一起学习，还可以当游戏来玩！谁的鬼脸更傻呢？肩操：考试前适当摆动肩膀和颈部，这能让你的肩部放松下来。如果想休息一下让自己清醒清醒，你甚至可以在考试中途做这个动作。

开心自在玩瑜伽

瑜伽既可以严肃对待，也可以趣味横生。练习瑜伽时你可以面带笑容，甚至放声大笑，这也是个不错的减压方式。你可以独自练习瑜伽，也可以结伴练习。瑜伽可以在家、瑜伽室或公园里进行。我们将以一句特别的梵文问候语结束——“双手合十”。通常，在瑜伽练习结束时都会说这句话，意思是，我体内的光芒向你体内的光芒鞠躬。双手合十。

■和自己谈场恋爱

How to Fall in Love With Yourself

◎Sherri

How to fall in love with yourself? Here are a few ideas you can try to build yourself up and fall in love with yourself all over again.

1. Focus on your strengths. We all have strengths and luckily they are not all the same. Do things you are naturally good at and enjoy and you will build self confidence, efficiency and pride.

2. Be proud of your accomplishments. No matter how big or seemingly small your accomplishments are you should be very proud of each and every one of them. Whether it's completing high school, university, starting your own company, having kids and raising a family, completing a project that's hanging around for far too long, be proud. Celebrate the small and large accomplishments and everything in between.

3. Get excited about who you are. Celebrate your uniqueness. Maybe you're a very caring individual, efficient, or adept to solving problems. Embrace it. Be proud that you're not like everyone else in your social circle. People love you for being you.

名人语库

Behavior is a mirror in which every one shows his image.

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

行为是一面镜子，每个人都把自己的形象显现于其中。

——歌德

如何爱上你自己？这里有一些小贴士，你可以试着振作起来，重新爱上你自己。

1. 专注于自己的强项。我们都有强项，幸运的是，每个人的强项各有千秋。做那些你天生擅长的事情，享受这个过程，你将建立起自信心、高效率和骄傲感。

2. 为自己的成功感到骄傲。不管是大的还是小的成就，你都应该为每一次成就而感到自豪。无论是完成高中学业，大学顺利毕业，还是开了自己的公司，有了孩子，开始扶养家庭，或者是完成了一个拖延已久的项目，这些都值得自豪。庆祝这些大大小小的成就吧。

3. 为你就是你自己而高兴。庆祝你的独一无二。也许你富有爱心，也许你做事高效，又或者你解决问题很老到。拥抱你的独特吧。为此而感到自豪，因为你与你的社交圈里的其他人不同。正因为你就是你，所以大家才会爱你。

4. 分享你的才华。如果你有独特的禀赋，与世界分享它吧。如果你文笔很好——写作吧；如果你舞姿轻盈——跳舞吧；如果你组织能力很强……嗯，你懂的。不管你相信与否，还有人会因为分享你的才能而大大获益。你有没有注意到，与别人分享的这个过程，会让你感觉如此地奇妙和难以置信？

4. Share your talent. If you've got a talent share it with the world. If you can write—write, if you can dance—dance, if you can organize…well you get the picture. Believe it or not there are people out there who could benefit greatly from you sharing your talents. Ever notice how giving to others makes you feel so incredible about yourself?

5. Forgive yourself. Guilt is a weird thing. All guilt does is hold us in the past reliving something we wish we could change. Not going to happen I'm afraid. Forgiveness is a choice. Forgive yourself. The past is the past (I know you've heard this before but the more you hear it the more you may start to believe it). Forgive yourself, apologize and move on.

6. Do something just for you. Take time for yourself and just relax. Rest both your mind and your body. Rejuvenate by sitting quietly listen to soft soothing music or watch the wonders of nature from your own backyard, balcony or window. Treat yourself to a massage or spa day. Whatever it is that makes you feel special and relaxed … do it.

Love yourself. Take pride in all your unique glory. Maybe you're quirky and have a very different talent. Embrace it. Flaunt it and share it with the world!

5. 原谅你自己。内疚是件很奇怪的事情。内疚感只会让我们纠缠于过去不放手，总想着重来一遍，希望可以改变一切。不过这恐怕不会发生。宽恕是一种选择。原谅你自己。过去的已经过去（我知道这句话已经是老生常谈了，但你听到的次数越多，你会越应该相信它）。原谅自己，道歉，然后继续向前。

6. 为自己做些事情。给自己留点时间，只是为了放松一下。让你的身心都好好休息。静静地坐着，听着舒缓的音乐，或从后院、阳台或窗口，欣赏大自然的奇迹。做做按摩或泡泡温泉。不管是什么让你觉得很特别、很放松的事……去做就好。

爱自己，为自己所有独一无二的魅力感到骄傲。也许你有点奇特，有些不同常人的才华，那么，拥抱你的特别吧。要炫耀，然后跟全世界分享。

■让青春常驻

How to Stay Young

◎Harvey Bingham

Throw out nonessential（nonessential[,nɔni'senʃəl]a. 非本质的；不重要的） numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That's why you pay him/her.

Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle（idle['aidl]a. 空闲的；懒惰的；无所事事的） mind is the devil's workshop. And the devil's name is Alzheimer's."

Enjoy the simple things.

Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be alive while you are alive.

Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge（refuge['refju:dʒ]n. 躲避；避难所，藏身处） .

Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

美丽语录

Remember these simple guidelines for happiness: 1. Free your heart from hate; 2. Free your mind from worry; 3. Live simply; 4. Give more; 5. Expect less.

幸福五大原则：1.心中无恨；2.脑中无忧；3.生活简单；4.多些付出；5.少些期待。

扔掉那些无关紧要的数字。包括你的年龄、体重和身高。让医生去操心吧。因为你给了他们报酬。

结交乐观的朋友。那些满腹牢骚的人只能让你雪上加霜。

学无止境。多了解计算机、手艺、园艺等知识。不要让你的大脑闲置下来。“无所事事的大脑是魔鬼的加工厂。魔鬼的名字叫痴呆症。”

享受简单事物。

多笑，开怀大笑。上气不接下气地笑。

有泪就流。忍受和悲伤过后，要继续前行。陪伴我们度过一生的唯一的人——就是我们自己。让生命鲜活起来。

让你的所爱环绕着你，无论是家人、宠物、纪念品、音乐、植物、爱好，什么都好。你的家就是你的避风港。

Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next country, to a foreign country, but not to where the guilt is.

Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

And always remember: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

珍惜健康：如果它很好，就好好地保护它。如果它反复无常，就改善它。如果你已无力改善它了，就请别人帮忙吧。

别踏上犯罪的道路。你可以去商场闲逛，可以去附近地区旅行，可以出国旅行，但不要踏上犯罪之路。

告诉你所爱的人们，你爱他们，把握每一个表达的机会。

永远记住：度量生命的不是我们呼吸的次数，而是那些最最难忘的时刻。

■放松，微笑，创造

Relax, Smile, and Create

◎Jessie

Relax

Don't take yourself too seriously.

Happiness is largely a choice.

Feel gratitude for all of the good in your life.

Smile

Once you have enough to pay for life's basics think to yourself: "I've won."

Happiness is contagious: find someone who is happy and stand close to them.

Play, Create

Happiness is attainable.

Slow down and enjoy the scenery. Be spontaneous.

Happiness is perched on your windowsill, invite it in.

Success is not the key to happiness; happiness is the key to success.

美丽语录

It is better to waste one's youth than to do nothing with it at all.

年轻时做一点儿事，要比什么事也不做好。

放松

不要把自己看得太重。

快乐在很大程度上，是一种选择。

为你生命中的所有美好而心存感激。

微笑

一旦你能满足自己的基本生活需求了，就对自己说：“我赢了。”

快乐是会传染的：找到那些快乐的人，和他们并肩前行。

玩，创造

快乐是可以获得的。

慢下来，去欣赏沿途的风景。要发自内心。

快乐就栖息在你的窗台，邀请它进来吧。

成功不是快乐的必然；而快乐却是成功的关键。

Surround yourself with positive, life-affirming people.

Make others happy

Have big dreams.

Enjoy the journey.

Grab every single morsel of happiness which comes your way.

Be on the look out for moments of pleasure and wonder.

争取让你身边环绕着那些积极而又生活乐观的人。

带给别人快乐

拥有大大的梦想。

享受旅途。

抓住沿途中点点滴滴的快乐。

珍惜每个开心和奇迹的瞬间。

■寂寞也美

Loneliness

◎Deepak Chandrasekaren

"A man is known by the company he keeps." If it is so, then everyone is bound to have their baggage of loneliness with them as companions. Loneliness is not something that doesn't exist at all with any human being on earth. Every human being feels lonely in his life at some point or other. It's but natural to have such feeling, because that's what makes us all human and that is why we are as we are now.

If we shed some light on why we feel aloof or lonely at times, we would be very much astonished or even probably surprised by the results. We ourselves are responsible for our self-defined gloominess. This is because at times we really feel that we are un-cared for or feel someone doesn't understand us.

Sometimes we over analyze real life situations and have this growing sense of self pity inside us. This feeling always gives us thoughts which picturise us always receiving the wrong end of the stick in life. The truth might not always be true if we touch our heart and see. It's just that our expectations in life and from people around us or circumstances that we are facing have got the better of us. Expectation is the silent killer which murders millions of mushy（mushy['mʌʃi]a. 感情脆弱的；感伤的） and time tested relationships. If there would have been no expectations from anyone, the world would have been a much better place to be. If there would have been no expectations, not many people would have had an aching heart and a life long grouse against there would have been better haves. If it wouldn't have been for unreasonable expectations not many couples would have divorced each other.

名人语库

The main dangers in this life are the people who want to change everything—or nothing.

~Lady Astor

生活中的主要危险来自那些想要改变一切或什么也不想改变的人。

——阿斯特子爵夫人

“观其友，知其人。”如果的确如此，那么每个人都注定要与孤独为伴。在这个世界上，孤独感与每个人相生相伴。人们都会在某些特定的时刻感到孤独。这是十分自然的感觉，因为孤独感使我们成为人，并让我们成为现在的自己。

如果我们要阐明为什么有时会感到冷漠或孤独，我们会对得出的结果感到十分吃惊。我们应该对我们自定义的忧郁负责。这是因为，在有些时候，我们真的觉得自己被忽视或不被理解。

有时候我们过度地分析了自己的真实生活状况，这令我们在内心产生了一种自我怜悯的感觉。这种感觉经常会带给我们一种生活的错觉。如果我们扪心自问，真相并不总是真实的，它只是我们对于身边的人和环境过高的期待。期待是一个沉默的杀手，谋杀了无数亲密的、经过时间考验的关系。如果我们不再总是对他人抱有期待，这个世界将会变得更好。如果不再有那么多期待，就不会有那么多人感到心痛，而对于有些人，一生也就不会有那么长的埋怨了。如果没有那些不合理的期待，也就不会有那么多夫妻离婚了。

How to come out of expectations then? Good question. The answer is when you give something, don't always expect anything in return. When our mother gave birth to us, she never expected that we will give birth to her. She has just fulfilled her desire to raise a family and live for them. In the same way, let our actions make us live for our self and let not expectation screw up the major portion of your lives. Let us have the freedom and will power to express our love, affection and longingness for people whenever we feel. Let us not restrict our freedom of expression just because he or she is not responding the way we want them to.

Well, all in all a little bit of loneliness is good for a self-analysis（self-analysis[ˌselfə'næləsis]n. 自我（心理）分析） to keep a check over your actions. Introspection always makes you communicate with the inner self, but too much of introspection can make you scale the altitude of self pity. So show restrain at the right time.

那么怎样才能跳出期待呢？问得好。答案是，当我们给予的时候，不要总是期待有所回报。当我们的妈妈给予我们生命时，她从没有期望我们也给予她生命。她仅仅是完成了她拥有一个家庭并为之而活的理想。同样，让我们为自己而活，不要让期待占据你生命中的一大部分。让我们自由地、大声地表达我们的爱、感动和渴望。当别人没有像我们期待的那样回应时，我们也不要失去表达感情的自由。

当然，总的来说，一点点的孤独对一个人审视自己的行为是有好处的。自省总是会让你与你的心灵有所交流，但是过度的自省会使我们产生高度的自我怜悯感。因此，适当克制自己，要适可而止。